A Better Day Physically. . .

I feel better today, physically. My tissue expander breast is not aching and hard like it had been since surgery. Can't begin to explain what a relief I'm feeling on that level. Tomorrow, I see the plastic surgeon. I maybe lucky enough to have one of the tubes removed, I've not had much liquid in it for the past couple of days. I'm so thankful for the healing.

So what is my problem today? I'm having a panic attack about not hearing anything about my pathology. My mind is running in all directions and I'm afraid of the worst. I just called the office and my report is not in my chart so the office will have Dr. Nate's nurse call me when she becomes available. I'm not sure why I'm shaking and so upset right this moment. Maybe I'm just hitting an emotional wall. I feel a good cry coming on and I will probably be ok afterwards. Thanks for listening.

P.S. It's a little after 3p.m. and Dr. Nate just called. He said that they did get all the cancer out with this last surgery and after I get the drains out to make an appointment with him and we'd go over everything together. Now maybe I can relax with that knowledge. . .

Nobody Can Go Back . . .

My daughter bought me a necklace over the weekend and the card that it was attached to said,

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. This necklace will remind you daily that the best is yet to come. (The necklace has a ribbon with a heart in the round part and the word survivor at the bottom.)

Friday I was able to meet with an oncologist. He pretty much told me that I would not be seeing him because my cancer did not require chemo. He did look over my pathology report and told me that based on the information he had so far, my cancer was only stage 1 and that my tumor was low grade. I questioned him because my surgeon would not comment on this until he checked my lumph nodes. The oncologist said that my surgeon was being cautious but that he would stick his neck out and answer my question. He then said that if he were an insurance agent he would sell me a life insurance policy. He felt I was going to be around for a while. He knew I still had to go in for more surgery which would require my lymph nodes to be checked and he felt that this was probably going to be ok. His recommendation agreed with my surgeon, have a re-section, check the lymph nodes, get clear margins and then go for radiation.

We talked about the possibilities of damage to my lungs from radiation and he explained that the machines they use are very precise. While there is always a risk, happenings like that are unusual these days. He confirmed that if I had radiation on my right breast and the cancer did return, I would not be able to use radiation in this area a second time. He then printed off some information that the doctors use to do research on my type of cancer and gave it to me.

Afterwards, I called my surgeon's office to schedule the re-section. While it's not been confirmed, I might be having surgery this Thursday. I thought I would give myself the opportunity to preserve my breast as long as the pathology comes back with clear margins.

In reading the stories other women have written about having radiation or having the breast removed and reconstruction surgery, none of the options are an easy road. Each choice comes with things that do not sound convienent or easy to deal with at times. It is my prayer that the second surgery will come back with clear margins and that I will not have to return for a third surgery to remove the breast. (But I will do that if that's what it comes too!)

I was blessed this weekend with a visit from my two daughters who live in various areas of Michigan. We spent our time together looking at old photos, watching videos, playing Wii, talked, shopping, playing cards and just spending time together. I was sad when it was time for them to leave. It had been a wonderful weekend. Sure helped to put the last week or so behind me.