Did I Miss The Explanation Class?

I ask this question in regards to being told what to expect with this tissue expander. I heard that there was some discomfort when it was filled. I heard that the chest muscle had to be expanded in order to take an implant later on. I heard that taking some Tylenol or Ibuprofen would help. I had no idea I would wake up from surgery in the type of pain I did. I can remember the nurse telling me to take a breath and relax while every muscle in my chest and back seemed to be causing me pain or be in a spasm at that moment. I had no idea I would hurt the way I do five days after surgery. I just don't remember any of my doctors explaining to me how this expander would affect my body.

At this point, I'm very sorry I decided to do reconstruction for a breast. I wish I hadn't been so vain to think I needed to look normal (whatever that is) in appearance. While looking down at my flat chest with steri-stripes over the incision/scar area is not pretty, maybe I would be feeling better and feel like I was healing if this damn expander was not there. And I'm scared. I don't know what to expect next. All I can do is pray that it'll get better. I just want some normalcy back in my life. It just seems like so much to ask . . .

I've done all this because I want to fight this cancer, I want to be cancer free. I won't know this until the pathology comes back from this last surgery. Dr. Nate cautioned me that they could not take all the skin away and with this cancer being to close to the skin, I might still have to go through radiation. If so, then this expander will probably have to come out. If that happens, I don't know that I'll have it put back in.

I know, I had hoped I'd have a better day today and could write something positive and encouraging for anyone reading my posts. Sorry, this is my reality right now. It will be better soon, I have to believe that.

As The Surgery Churns. . .

Today's episode opens with Cyndi laying in bed wondering what to expect with Wednesday's surgery. The thoughts race through her head, anxiety builds as a feeling in her stomach and she wonders if her life will ever seem normal. As the camera closes in on our star, we see the complexity of her problems by the expression on her

face. . .

It's been over 25 years since I followed a soap. I always thought soap operas were overly dramatic. They also spent a lot of time showing how messy each characters life had become. Since my breast cancer diagnosis, I feel like I'm staring in my own soap these days. Each surgery, each test, each new piece of information seems packed with emotions and questions. I find myself scouring the Internet for sites that explain my type of cancer (Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma). I read blogs written by other cancer patients to read how they've dealt with their diagnosis. I look at pictures of mastectomies to get an idea of what having this surgery will make my body look like, I look for pictures of breast reconstruction and the list goes on and on.

We end today's segment with the camera fading away from our star. From a distance we watch as she drinks her coffee and hits the send button on her computer to publish her post. Remember to return tomorrow to view another episode of "As The Surgery Churns. . ."

Another Trip to The Doctor

I went to see Dr Nate today after a long weekend with a swollen arm pit. When he saw the area, he said he needed to extract the extra fluid. So with the help of a needle and his sonogram machine I received relief at last! Hopefully I will not have to go in again, but Dr. Nate told me that this happens from time to time and I needed to contact him immediately if any redness developed. If redness does appear, it means no expander for me at mastectomy time (Ugh!).

I also asked my doctor more about the size of my cancer. He confirmed that the nipple area still showed cancer and he had taken out as much tissue as possible on that side. I have an area about the size of a golf ball missing from my breast. (Hmmmm, when the surgeon removed the tumor from my brain, he said it was the size of a golf ball. I think surgeons like to use that analogy) Anyway, I asked Dr. Nate if he was going to run any more tests to see if this cancer had spread to my lungs or liver or anywhere else. He asked if the oncologist had ordered any more testing for me, which he hadn't. Then Dr. Nate said that because cancer was not in my lymph nodes, it should not be anywhere else in my body. He felt it should be contained to the area it was found. At this point, he didn't want to run any further unnecessary tests on me. I'm not sure if I agree with his rationale but I'll let it sit for now.

After I was done at Dr. Nate's office, I walked down to the plastic surgeon's office and told them to schedule my surgery. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the exact date and time.

Oh by the way, I decided to go with an expander and then implant for my breast reconstruction.

A Visit To The Plastic Surgeon

I had the opportunity to meet with a plastic surgeon today to talk about breast reconstruction. Bob met me at the office and watched as I filled out the necessary paperwork and answered questions about any previous radiation, previous surgeries, previous health issues, etc. (For all the different doctors and tests I've gone to recently, I wish all their forms were the same and that I could have filled one out and handed everyone else a photocopy.)

I learned that I am a candidate for expander/implant surgery and any of the flap surgeries that use stomach tissue and fat to form a breast. We discussed the possible recovery times for the various procedures and any other surgeries/procedures that maybe necessary afterwards. Most of the information we spoke about, I had found on line yesterday at http://breastreconstruction.org/index.htm. Dr. PS said that he would not lift my other boob until after he saw how my new boob looked. He took some measurements and a picture and said to think about it and let his assistant know what I wanted to do. (I did manage to get him to smile when I told him that Barbie Doll and I would have something in common soon, a breast without a nipple.) As I spoke with his assistant, I asked if she could arrange for someone that has had each of the procedures to talk with me. She said yes, she would find a person that's had each procedure and have them call me. Wonder how long that will take?

My gut says to go with the tissue expander and then implant. While this procedure will require a few months of expansion, it sounds like less time to recover from the initial surgery and while not pain free, I should be able to function while they expand my chest muscle. Plus this surgery is available with AlloDerm which will help in covering the implant. I also think that this surgery may be less traumatic to my body than the other. (In all honesty, I really don't know. Cancer is traumatic as well as the things we have to do to rid our bodies of it.) For me, none of the reconstruction options sound like an easy road to go. I believe it just depends on my pain tolerance and how long I want to be down afterwards. In some ways I wish I could be comfortable with just having it removed and no reconstruction. A lot less trips to doctors. A lot less fuss.

While I do not have an exact date for surgery, if I make my decision in the next few days, it looks like I'll be able to have my surgery the end of February, beginning of March. I know that time will pass quickly but for right now, it seems like a long, long, way aways.

I wish everyone a good night's sleep. Hopefully I'll be able to get one too. Karen you are in my thoughts and prayers for your surgery tomorrow. Clear margins and negetive lymph nodes!